why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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