I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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