i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize