i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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