Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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