Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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