What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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