he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My life is pants optional.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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