If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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