You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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