go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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