The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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