Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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