Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
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when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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