I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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