the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize