great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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