dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize