so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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