So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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