That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize