Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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