I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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