I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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