I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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