found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love having hate sex.
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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