I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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