You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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