The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize