dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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