Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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