I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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