What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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