im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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