so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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