walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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