I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize