my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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