dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize