Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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