Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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