I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize