i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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