Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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