your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize