i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize