You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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