I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize