the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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