i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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